I've been really bad to myself over the past two months or so. Stress and anxiety are not good foundation for a healthy living. I witnessed a come back of depressive moods, which I was able to keep at bay for a long time. Now I finally now where I am going, which is back home, to Poland. The stress is not over - I have to suddenly wrap up all my life here, sell or ship all my possessions, deal with whatever has to be done. But I know where I am going. Now I have to pull myself together and get back on track. I am actually looking forward to take care for my mom, cook for her better foods so she could drop the grains. I need to cook for myself as well, as eating franks, some ready meat mixed with fruit and chocolate is not really the way to go. Oh well.
I haven't been also exercising in a very long time... Now I will have some "lift heavy things" workout ready - in a few minutes I am going to bring a few boxes with books from my work. Then there will be more boxes and my favorite VT-gym: clearing field from wood, brush, branches. That's a real workout!

The Return of the Black Coffee

I was really happy after reintroducing dairy, as it seemed my body was quite happy with it. I had no stomachache, no gut issues... But after a while my lower face exploded with zits. Painful ones. :( It could still be it was the chocolate which I also have been eating now after a month of none... but I am afraid it's the dairy. And I like my coffee with cream so much! I haven't even eaten that much dairy - only heavy cream and butter, no cheese whatsoever.

I think I will completely cut on chocolate first (especially that I can't help myself and eat the whole bar at once), and see if anything clears. I really hope I can have dairy, cheese is such an easy snack for work (I can't bring meat to work), and yummy addition to eggs.

slipping....

It's difficult. Today is Purim, and I allowed myself a glass of wine yesterday to keep with the tradition of Purim celebration. I didn't eat too bad, strawberries and a few grapes... But I feel sugar cravings are seriously too big. Where do they come from? But I was punished on Friday - I ate a small piece of chocolate with caramel. Too sweet! YUCK. But I am dreaming (well, metaphorically speaking) of dark chocolate. I have no problems with refusing baked things (like the traditional hamantashen cookies), or obvious sugary crap like snickers. But the "in-between" things are more difficult. Like too many fruits. I will have to work on it.

I am planning to eat today's breakfast as late as possible to make it a small fast. And maybe tomorrow will skip lunch. I feel I need to get back to more strict, pure eating again.

restarting the machine in 3... 2...1...

I failed. And I got up :)
I had a girls night out and got myself two glasses of wine :-/ and some cream to coffee. I really tried to keep it off, but I go out so rarely (I actually can't remember the last time) that I thought i should allow it to myself. Other than that I am pretty good, eating delicious cooked beef with tomatoes (my favorite, cooking a batch right now), eggs, beef franks, kale, some other veggies... I also ate one orange and some strawberries (on sale! really cheap!), which I hope isn't too much of a "cheat". I kept on working out, and yesterday we had a field trip to DC so we walked miles and miles over the course of the day. We had meals prepared for us, but I took my own lunch. I am very proud of it :) Everyone had pasta, I had about a pound of ground beef in delicious tomato souse. I just bought a food thermos and it works great! Kept food hot from 7am to 1pm. I will be using it more often, to have proper paleo lunches for work.

I thought that maybe I should just cut off two days from the counting, but I think it will be more honest to start counting from zero. So, today is day one, the second time. I hope there won't be any need for third first day :)

Whole 30 - preparation

I am getting ready for the challenge - at least mentally. I generally knew what to expect but just in case (or if anyone is interested) the main points:

The Whole30 Program, As Outlined
Eat real food – meat, fish, eggs, tons of vegetables, some fruit, and plenty of good fats. Eat foods with very few ingredients, all pronounceable ingredients, or better yet, no ingredients listed at all because they’re natural and unprocessed.
More importantly, here’s what NOT to eat during the duration of your Whole30 program. Omitting all of these foods and beverages will help you regain your healthy metabolism, reduce systemic inflammation, and help you discover how these foods are truly impacting your health, fitness and quality of life.
Do not consume added sugar of any kind, real or artificial. No maple syrup, honey, agave nectar, Splenda, Equal, Nutrasweet, xylitol, stevia, etc. Read your labels, because companies sneak sugar into products in all kinds of ways.
Do not eat processed foods. This includes protein shakes, pre-packaged snacks/meals, protein bars, milk substitutes, etc.
Do not drink alcohol, in any form.
Do not eat grains. This includes (but is not limited to) wheat, rye, barley, millet, oats, corn, rice, sprouted grains and all of those gluten-free pseudo-grains like quinoa. (Yes, we said corn!) This also includes all the ways we add wheat, corn and rice into our foods in the form of bran, germ, starch and so on. Again, read your labels.
Do not eat legumes. This includes beans (black, kidney, lima, etc.), peas, lentils, and peanuts or peanut butter. This also includes all forms of soy – soy sauce, miso, tofu, tempeh, edamame, and all the ways we sneak soy into foods (like lecithin).
Do not eat dairy. This includes all cow, goat or sheep’s milk, cream, butter, cheese, yogurt, whey, ice cream, etc.
Do not eat white potatoes. It’s arbitrary, but they are carbohydrate-dense and nutrient poor, and also a nightshade.
Most importantly… do not try to shove your old, unhealthy diet into a shiny new Whole30 mold. This means no “Paleo-fying” less-than-healthy recipes – no “Paleo” pancakes, “Paleo” pizza, “Paleo” fudge or “Paleo” ice cream. Don’t mimic poor food choices during your Whole30 program!
One last and final rule. You are not allowed to step on the scale for the duration of your Whole30 program. This is about so much more than just weight loss, and to focus only on your body composition means you’ll miss out on the most dramatic (and lifelong) benefits this plan has to offer. Give yourself a well-deserved, long overdue break from fixating on that number on the scale! Absolutely NO weighing yourself or taking comparative measurements during your Whole30.
The Fine Print

A few concessions, based on our experience, and those of our clients. These are less than optimal foods that we are okay with you including during your Whole30. Including these foods in moderation should not negatively impact the results of your Whole30 program.
Fruit juice as a sweetener. Some products will use orange or apple juice as a sweetener. We have to draw the line somewhere, so we’re okay with a small amount of fruit juice as an added ingredient during your Whole30… but this doesn’t mean a cup of fruit juice is okay!
Processed Meat. On occasion, we are okay with organic chicken sausage (those that are nitrate, dairy, gluten and dairy-free), and high quality deli meat, packaged fish (like tuna or smoked salmon) or jerky. Read your labels carefully, because Whole30-approved processed meats, especially jerky, are hard to find.
Certain legumes. We’re fine with green beans, sugar snap peas and snow peas. While they’re technically a legume, they’re far more “pod” than “bean”, and we want you to eat your greens.
Processed goods. We’re okay with cans or jars of olives, coconut milk, sauces and spice mixtures like tomato sauce or curry, or vegetables like sweet potato or butternut squash, but only if the labels prove they’re “clean”.

So that's what I am planning on eating:
- meat. Mostly ground beef in various ways as that's the cheaper way to eat beef. But also "stew meat" and some kalky. For convenience, grass-fed, preservatives-free beef franks.
- poultry. I am not a big fan of chicken, but it's cheap and it's meat. I will try to focus on organic only. And cook a soup once in a while.
- fish sometimes. I will try to include more fish, but that's mostly either from frozen or cans. It's hard to get fresh and to be honest, I don't even know what to do with it. I like preparing fish-cakes, with various can fish, they can be very tasty and practical (to take for a lunch at work).
- eggs. I probably should make a test if I am ok with eggs and stop eating them for a few weeks... but this is such affordable, delicious and easy food, that it's hard to cut it out! Maybe later :)
- green veggies. Mostly from frozen - cauliflower, broccoli, spinach, kale, brussel sprouts. I am still not sure about the night shades, like tomatoes and peppers.
- black coffee and water only as drinks.
- coconut oil as the main fat source (other than meat), with possibly using coconut milk/cream and dried sugar-free coconut.

In addition to products I already cut off from my diet, like grains, processed foods, legumes, I am planning on cutting also:
- dairy (now that will be really painful!)
- fruits
- chocolate (o_0)
- any sweeteners or chemical additions (I already use it very little, but for a month I will cut it completely out)
- nuts (I am still thinking about macadamias)
- seeds

I think that's for now... I might add something or change later on.

off the wagon, on the wagon

I've fell off a bit... Not that I started to eat all nasty SAD-y things, but stopped being careful, or simply eating proper. I started to eat too many fruits, and too much chocolate. As if when I allowed myself chocolate as almost-paleo treat (it's Lindt 70%), I can't stop and eat much too much, like a tablet a day.. o_0 I have no idea where this chocolate urge came from, but it might be from generally eating more carbs in the form of fruits. I need to finally get back on, as I started to be more sluggish, my skin isn't as clear as it's been before.


I think the best would be to just go cold turkey and very strict for a while. I am thinking about doing the Whole30 and cut even dairy. I will switch to black coffee, no cream (cutting sour cream is painful), and only meat, fish, eggs and greens. I want to get back on the right track, and lose the tummy that suddenly appeared over the past few weeks... I haven't been IFing as well, so will have to find a way to include fasting in the program. If everything goes fine, I will slowly reintroduce dairy and see how I feel. I love dairy and it's a great, cheap, addition to the diet. I can't afford eating meat only (with some greens).

I will finish up all the cream and half$half I have, as I don't like wasting, without buying anything new. And I need to restock with meat. I hope to begin in a week or so... or maybe even earlier?

Wish me luck, as I am not good with being very strict on myself... :-/

painful return to a workout routine

I've had quite a break in working out. There were many factors that contributed - a lot of work, mild cold/sinus infection, cold weather which made me change fast into warm fleece instead of shorts... and simple old-style laziness. But today I finally did some basic body-weight workout. Boy, am I weak! it's scary. I will have to work steadily to get back in shape... And I am afraid tomorrow will be painful as well! It's good I have to walk to work anyway, it's a good, mild, form of warming up.

I found that generally the cold, dark weather makes it more difficult to keep healthy. I am more tempted to eat chocolate, snuggle in warm robe and watch Buffy or Bones. I haven't fasted in a while as well... But at least I didn't fell of the wagon (other than eating too much dark chocolate), I just got lazy and haven't been much creative in preparing meals, so there has been a lot of hard boiled eggs, slow-cooker beef, beef franks and similar. But it's ok, I fine with that. Maybe I just need to get used to the change in seasons, or simply accept that in the winter it's time to hibernate, slow down, relax...

dealing with heavy workload

I work a lot. This year I teach one extra course, which really made a huge difference. While at school I often have no spare time to even make a cup of coffee. I use each and every minute for prep. And even though I have great kids who cause much less stress than some of the last year's students, I am stressed all the time about slipping. I worry I forget something crucial, I fall behind with grading, prepare day by day, with very blurred vision of big picture of each class.
All of that drains me. I come back home tired, don't feel like doing anything. Often I have something extra to do anyway... All of that caused me to slip with my healthy lifestyle. In the past month I worked out maybe.. three times? I started to have cravings for chocolate, and because there is somewhat of a soft spot for dark chocolate among the primal community, I let myself indulge... too much.
I am trying to get back at least with eating right. But I feel I need to get back on the wagon with exercising. I just... don't feel like. *sigh*. Maybe it's a winter thing?

PSMF

I continue on the PSMF track. I try some variety, so I won't get bored or tired of the routine. My biggest challenge isn't hunger, it's the fact that I simply love eating. I also have difficulties with social gatherings, especially where there are people whom I don't know that well.

I generally eat only in the evening with small snack (2 boiled eggs for example) during the day. I also drink one protein shake.
Today to change the routine a bit, I mixed two hard boiled eggs with a can of water-packed sardines for brunch. I really want to include sardines more, as they are not only packed with Omega-3 like many other seafood, but also are great source of calcium and other beneficial nutrients. They are also, similarly to other small fish, much less polluted with heavy metals. Because the sardines were in water and not oil, the mixture was very dry. I decided that adding some sour cream shouldn't be that bad. Two spoons of sour cream later I had really tasty dish. I think I will make it more often to take it with me to work.

I haven't done any measurements yet, I am leaving it for Sunday. I don't see any big changes yet, but I feel good and I know I need to be patient.

In terms of supplements, I take Krill Oil in the morning, magnesium in the late afternoon and D3 (5k) every other or every three days.
I am running low on my magnesium and so I need to replenish. I found in Trader Joe's magnesium together with calcium and zinc. Isn't that wrong? I think calcium negates the magnesium, that it prevents its proper absorption? I am also conflicted on the kind of magnesium that's best for the body. The one I had till now is "oxidate" which I thought was the best form, but recently I read somewhere that oxide is useless. I am really confused and have to make some research.

struggles

Yesterday I went for a holiday dinner. There was a number of people present, some of them I didn't know. And because I felt it would look bad to not eat at all, I decided it would be my "refeed" day. I have to have them anyway once in a while. Well, I ate too much. And the wrong stuff - rice, for example. I did resist the deliciously smelling challah and didn't eat the lentil soup. But I ate definitely too much. And as much as I am glad I didn't touch the brownies (gluten-free, but with peanuts and sugar), I took a few pieces of fruit. And either the slices of apples, peaches or orange-spice tea caused my stomach to hurt suddenly, the way it hurts after almonds. I read it as allergy reaction. I had sometimes light allergy reactions to apples and once to a fruit-herbal tea.

Anyway, with all of that I felt miserable yesterday night. I feel better today, and will be back on the PSMF track. I just hope that it didn't erase the efforts of three previous days!

I was talking a couple of days ago with a friend who said that a common friend of ours was diagnosed with fibromyalgia recently. She is also depressed and have issues with anxiety. I told her how great I feel after switching to paleo, how my fibromyalgia's symptoms become very mild and some completely disappeared. She will put her in touch with me. I hope I will be able to convince her to give paleo a try. The other friend was also interested, she struggled with weight for a long time, lost quite a lot of weight watchers, but can't move on beyond what she is now despite all the effort and serious exercises. Maybe I will be able to get her out from the low-fat low-calories no-way-out rout.